3am again and the mind literally has “a mind of its own.” For years, a few hours of restless sleep followed by a thinking mind at 3am – why always the same cycle?
Sound familiar?
It seemed to never stop. The idea of being still was so foreign, it was a nice goal for those monks and other deeply spiritual folk, but who has time to sit still and even if there were a moment of stillness – this thing inside me was always thinking, no “It” was always obsessing over everything without end.
For years, laying in bed obsessing and then the alarm. It was like a workout before the main event. The day started and “It”, the mind, was already racing – now in high-gear.
My body, not so much; “Caffeine please?”
The list of what I tried is so long and the techniques nearly enumerable – nothing worked – nothing.
So a simple idea began to emerge out of all the striving and thinking – that I would learn to “Be Still” – it was time to seriously attempt meditation. Talked to some friends, bought a how-to book and well it was too hard – too complex. It sounded easy while reading, but in practice not much was getting done other than additional frustration.
So, a month or so in, experiencing the same results and with the added benefit of additional frustrations; a new insight cam.e – “What if I just wrote everything down?”
If I wrote down all the things that “It” was obsessing about, maybe – just maybe – “It”, my mind, would let have some peace. Initially, just a note pad; later this turned into a series of journals.
Think of it this way, if you write-down all the thoughts and give them a place – your journal. Then “It” could review the notes at anytime and the need to keep them rolling around should be less – in theory.
Slowly, it began to work. “It” was still obsessing, however, the thoughts had a place outside of myself and outside of the mind – a home of their own, so to speak. And at anytime, I could visit any of them and obsess as much as necessary.
You may have heard a meditation instructor say – “clear your mind” or “just observe your thoughts and let them go.” “Go where?” I say. They have to go somewhere, they cannot just “go” off to nowhere.
“It” would not allow thoughts to be “let go”; “It” would just keep the thought in the never ending cycle.
The paper, the journal was somewhere to release the thought toward – it was the place where thoughts go.
Later in the journey, other places became significant for releasing complex emotions – more on that later.