by Frank | Oct 22, 2021 | Awareness, Daily Practice, Mindful, Mindless
You live on your own data island, or rather your individualized version of the Internet.
This may not be obvious, given the billions of sites of content and your experience; and yet it is true nonetheless; especially for any site that advertises.
Historically, search algorithms were designed to help find information; and it about 2 seconds after search was invented that someone figured out how to make money.
The good news is that anything you are looking for is also looking for you. The reason is simple, if you find the content, you will dwell longer, and then you can be offered more advertisement.
It is a numbers game, the more advertisement you see, the more likely you are to dwell and click.
It’s capturing and selling your attention.
The dark-side to all this goodness is content bias, that is the more you click and navigate, this continuously filters and narrows future searches; and the more likely you are going to be give related content.
In short, unless you are extremely technical and with a great deal of effort, get unbiased searchers or content. And the bias is you.
That is right, the Internet is trying to give you content that you want to read; and as a side-effect content that doesn’t agree with you will be harder to find.
Even if you consider yourself open minded and unbiased, reading across the spectrum – this impacts you too!
Think about it as distance. Content like you have read or search or clicked in the past is closer to you and everything else, anything you haven’t reenforced by a view or a click, is very far away. Effectively out of sight.
The Awareness lesson is simple: it is easy to be fooled into believing a majorly of people think like me.
Since the Internet is always filtering your content by your past views and clicks. And so, it is easier to believe you might be in the right and everyone else is in the wrong.
And it is easier to believe that more people, than not, agree with you.
And it is easy to derive your identity from this point of view, and overtime, to believe anyone who doesn’t agree with you must be in the minority.
Do not be fooled, this is the economics, the market of the Internet; and while it helps you and I every day; it will lead you to conclude wrong thinking and opinions.
Realize it is easy for misinformation and fake news to percolate through your Internet experience, your apps, your email, everything you are presented with.
I believe, the data-island effect greatly contributes to the toxicity of the Internet.
by Frank | Oct 18, 2021 | Journal, Journey, Meditation, Mindful, Mindless
A new friend explained why she was getting a divorce…
“I finally realized that I loved myself 30%,” she sighed, “and he only loved me 40%…and I couldn’t take the abuse anymore…”
I’ve meditated on this idea over the past months.
The truth was simple, her negative self-worth and her lack of self-love, along with many other self-limiting believes had “cheated” her into an abusive relationship.
In short, he loved her just a little more than she loved herself; and while it was enough to get started, it wasn’t enough to sustain her.
Maybe this story resonates with you? Maybe it’s your story too!
Maybe it’s not your partner, maybe it’s an abusive “friend” or a member of your “family” or another person in your life.
It’s taken decades to begin accepting myself, especially those broken and unwanted parts. I came to realize that lack of self-acceptance, self-worth, and self-love played a major role in all the relationships in my life.
Especially, the abusive and broken relationships.
The more I embrace all my parts; the more I have come to accept and be okay with the person I am.
It was this awareness, that the broken and unwanted me needs love too; that has allowed me to love myself more and from this love, embrace those broken parts of others.
It’s from my own self-acceptance that my self-worth has grown, and from this self-worth that my self-love has grown too; and, so my acceptance, worth and love of all those around me.
***
Journal and Meditation Practice
Spend time writing a list of those broken and unloved parts of you. Give yourself time to detail each.
Over the next month and without any rush; meditate on each, feel the emotions, and say “I love you too” as throughout the meditation.
Realize that all the parts of you, everything in your journey so far is what it has taken for your awareness to emerge.
In reality, these are not broken parts, these are lessons along your life’s journey; and it took those lessons to get you here.
by Frank | Oct 11, 2021 | Awareness, Mindful, Mindless
“You’re not changing sides on me. Are you buddy?” said a close friend over lunch one day. The strong spice of Pad Thai filled the air as I contemplated my response.
To me, I am the same person who has been voicing similar thoughts and opinions for years.”
“I don’t see it that way…” and paused for a breath before continuing. Below is a summary.
I must admit my sadness in watching so many friends become estranged over vaccines “facts” and “identities.”
I love all my friends and I deeply respect their choices, although, at times, we may not agree.
My conservative friends demand “personal liberty”and my liberal friends demand “personal responsibility.” To me, it seems the political upheaval and identity and arguments have replaced civil discourse.
It is rare when science and policy must unfolded at the same time. Science is often slow and lumbering as it unfolds. Sure, there are “facts” and overtime these may be reinterpreted in the light of new information or flawed experiments or numerous other issues; and these may seem conflicting as the scientific methods seek to “observe and analysis” toward an understanding of the current “truth.” And of course, all scientist, all humans, are bias, and that is why there is a peer review process; although it too suffers from group-think.
Policy is a political process. It may consider science, as well as, the complexities of a stable society, supporting a mostly private health system, and safety of the population. This too is conducted by humans, it is flawed and biased; even without the issue of nefarious intentions.
Policy is not science; and all science can do is inform. Science is not all the process, it’s just part-of.
The political polarization of the last decades has now become so unproductive and dysfunctional, it impairs the productive dialogue on deeply important issues. Let’s face it – both sides are at fault; and there is plenty of blame on both sides.
And these decades has lead to very low public trust across the board; and deep suspicion of “the other side.”
I’m mindfully sad over my friends and their pain, as well as the state of our country.
“I continued to listen to my friend,” even though, we didn’t completely agree on all the details.
And I realized that “the issue” was not “the issue;” the issues was years of disappointments and disillusionments and resentments and griefs and frustrations and angers all mixed together into a ball of emotions.
And I loved him deeply and still do; and hope to have lunch again soon; and keep the dialogue going. I think this time, it’s my treat; maybe BBQ.
So, instead of making your friends your new enemies, please consider spending time listening to their concerns and remember it’s not just their groups version of facts: there is much more going on.
Realize “the issue” has a deeper roots and if we are ever to truly know another and love them in all their conflicting parts too, we must listen.
by Sensei | Oct 2, 2021 | Awareness, Journey, Mindless
Today, two experiences – similar places, very difference responses.
The first was receptionist was difficult and nitpicking; and while staying in the Moment, the Now, I was able to remain considerate, the experience took hours for a 10-minute endeavor.
The second, the receptionist was kind and upbeat; and while staying in the Moment, the Now, I was able to remain considerate, the experience took minutes for a 20-minute endeavor.
Likely, the first person was having a bad day, or the boss was critical, or something; and the second person was having a good day.
I was the recipient of both emotional states.
As the saying goes: “night and day.”
While I was “zen” during both experiences, I left the first bothered and the second uplifted.
The reality is that neither experience had anything to do with me: it flowed from their current emotional states.
In short, it was not about me!
Although, it was easy to create an internal narrative of an offensive encounter vs an amazing encounter.
This, my friends, is the greatest mantra we can repeat during such times and often throughout the day.
This is not about me.
by Sensei | Oct 1, 2021 | Awareness, Journey, Mindful, Mindless
When was the last time you honestly were still?
How did it feel?
Were you anxious? Nervous?
Did you pick-up your phone or turn on the TV or find some other distraction?
Were you actually still?
Did you mind go into overdrive? Reliving the past? Rehearsing the conversation, you should have had?
Were you consumed with the future? That something could go wrong or what someone might say or if you would be accepted or liked?
Were you actually still?
When you have a minute – at work, inline at the grocery, at the doctor’s office, in traffic, at the coffee shop – do you pick up your phone and death-scroll?
If you are watching TV – do you channel flip or binge watch or use it for noise to work or sleep?
By still, I mean, were you ok with being with yourself without any entertainment or input – just being.
It’s in being, the still, that you can touch the deepest parts of your soul.
[more later…]
by Sensei | Sep 30, 2021 | Awareness, Journey, Mindless
“So, what do you do?”
How many times have you been asked that question?
And had the conversation devolve into a discussion that is nominally about the askers self-importance.
Yet, at the core of the question is a deeper question?
“What is my identity?”
Or rather, “Who am I?”
Are you your job or what you do? If it goes away, do you?
Are you your parents? Your family? Your schooling? Or training?
Maybe you’re your partner? Your kids?
Your religious affiliation or not?
Your political party or the other?
Maybe you don’t know how to be without your “you” identities…
Are you your successes or your failures?
Think of all the “yous” there are.
All the masks, all the actors you play and none of these are truly you!
And rarely if ever to you let anyone truly know you: the authentic you.
The you that is afraid: that you will not be liked or not be accepted or fill-in-your blank…
Why?
[to be continued…]
