by Frank | Apr 21, 2024 | Awareness, Daily Practice, Journey
I woke up exhausted this morning after a fitful night’s sleep. An uncomfortable sock was the culprit. This discomfort nestled inside my cast. I’ll save that story for another time.
I have a cool cast—an Aircast—a plastic and Velcro marvel of science that resembles Vogue’s take on Frankenstein’s footwear. Its greatest advantage is the air pump that allows two air bladders, one on each side of the foot, to provide soft cushions of comfort.
Getting into this contraption involves folding, strapping, and Velcroing the various parts, then pumping up to the desired comfort level.
In recovery, stacks of pillows elevate my leg in the cleverly designed cast, which seems comfortable only for a nanosecond, even less so with an uncomfortable sock.
Writing about this in my journal, I realized how often I (we) go through life with an uncomfortable sock. This small discomfort makes life irritating.
It’s all the small things.
Not saying what’s on your mind and bearing the discomfort because it’s just too complicated to address.
It’s the recurring minor relationship issue that isn’t a big problem, but it sort of becomes the big problem because it represents the big problem. It’s the little things that accumulate into the big thing.
It’s all the things we tolerate in life, trying to be nice, and these things invade our thoughts and psyche—repeating over and over. And I wonder why I devote so much mental energy to these little annoyances, yet it seems there is a little demon on my shoulder repeating the same blah blah every few minutes—it’s the squeaky wheel.
Why didn’t I fix the uncomfortable sock, you might ask?
Because I would have had to get up, turn the light on, grab the crutches, hobble over to get another sock, hobble back, remove the Aircast, replace the sock—the real painful part of the experience—and rejigger the contraption back onto my leg, reposition the pillows, and the covers.
It seemed too hard to fix, but it wasn’t.
And by living with the uncomfortable sock, I didn’t sleep all night.
So, what is your uncomfortable sock you need to deal with?
What little thing is really a big thing in your life?
by Frank | Feb 5, 2022 | Awareness, Journey
“Not everything that is faced can be changed, but nothing can be changed until it is faced.” James Baldwin
Life loops, same struggles.
A vase broken, repaired, broken, repaired.
A precious treasure: each repair valuable, each beautiful.
Shards and glue, puzzle and chips, missing and patched.
How magical!
To know restore and beauty.
Sad the unrestored; breaking and crumbling; piles of rubble.
Spirit waits, collecting pieces.
by Frank | Oct 18, 2021 | Journal, Journey, Meditation, Mindful, Mindless
A new friend explained why she was getting a divorce…
“I finally realized that I loved myself 30%,” she sighed, “and he only loved me 40%…and I couldn’t take the abuse anymore…”
I’ve meditated on this idea over the past months.
The truth was simple, her negative self-worth and her lack of self-love, along with many other self-limiting believes had “cheated” her into an abusive relationship.
In short, he loved her just a little more than she loved herself; and while it was enough to get started, it wasn’t enough to sustain her.
Maybe this story resonates with you? Maybe it’s your story too!
Maybe it’s not your partner, maybe it’s an abusive “friend” or a member of your “family” or another person in your life.
It’s taken decades to begin accepting myself, especially those broken and unwanted parts. I came to realize that lack of self-acceptance, self-worth, and self-love played a major role in all the relationships in my life.
Especially, the abusive and broken relationships.
The more I embrace all my parts; the more I have come to accept and be okay with the person I am.
It was this awareness, that the broken and unwanted me needs love too; that has allowed me to love myself more and from this love, embrace those broken parts of others.
It’s from my own self-acceptance that my self-worth has grown, and from this self-worth that my self-love has grown too; and, so my acceptance, worth and love of all those around me.
***
Journal and Meditation Practice
Spend time writing a list of those broken and unloved parts of you. Give yourself time to detail each.
Over the next month and without any rush; meditate on each, feel the emotions, and say “I love you too” as throughout the meditation.
Realize that all the parts of you, everything in your journey so far is what it has taken for your awareness to emerge.
In reality, these are not broken parts, these are lessons along your life’s journey; and it took those lessons to get you here.
by Sensei | Oct 2, 2021 | Awareness, Journey, Mindless
Today, two experiences – similar places, very difference responses.
The first was receptionist was difficult and nitpicking; and while staying in the Moment, the Now, I was able to remain considerate, the experience took hours for a 10-minute endeavor.
The second, the receptionist was kind and upbeat; and while staying in the Moment, the Now, I was able to remain considerate, the experience took minutes for a 20-minute endeavor.
Likely, the first person was having a bad day, or the boss was critical, or something; and the second person was having a good day.
I was the recipient of both emotional states.
As the saying goes: “night and day.”
While I was “zen” during both experiences, I left the first bothered and the second uplifted.
The reality is that neither experience had anything to do with me: it flowed from their current emotional states.
In short, it was not about me!
Although, it was easy to create an internal narrative of an offensive encounter vs an amazing encounter.
This, my friends, is the greatest mantra we can repeat during such times and often throughout the day.
This is not about me.
by Sensei | Oct 1, 2021 | Awareness, Journey, Mindful, Mindless
When was the last time you honestly were still?
How did it feel?
Were you anxious? Nervous?
Did you pick-up your phone or turn on the TV or find some other distraction?
Were you actually still?
Did you mind go into overdrive? Reliving the past? Rehearsing the conversation, you should have had?
Were you consumed with the future? That something could go wrong or what someone might say or if you would be accepted or liked?
Were you actually still?
When you have a minute – at work, inline at the grocery, at the doctor’s office, in traffic, at the coffee shop – do you pick up your phone and death-scroll?
If you are watching TV – do you channel flip or binge watch or use it for noise to work or sleep?
By still, I mean, were you ok with being with yourself without any entertainment or input – just being.
It’s in being, the still, that you can touch the deepest parts of your soul.
[more later…]
by Sensei | Sep 30, 2021 | Awareness, Journey, Mindless
“So, what do you do?”
How many times have you been asked that question?
And had the conversation devolve into a discussion that is nominally about the askers self-importance.
Yet, at the core of the question is a deeper question?
“What is my identity?”
Or rather, “Who am I?”
Are you your job or what you do? If it goes away, do you?
Are you your parents? Your family? Your schooling? Or training?
Maybe you’re your partner? Your kids?
Your religious affiliation or not?
Your political party or the other?
Maybe you don’t know how to be without your “you” identities…
Are you your successes or your failures?
Think of all the “yous” there are.
All the masks, all the actors you play and none of these are truly you!
And rarely if ever to you let anyone truly know you: the authentic you.
The you that is afraid: that you will not be liked or not be accepted or fill-in-your blank…
Why?
[to be continued…]
